I’ve seen several devotions using ideas from the Disney movie Frozen. And each time I come away with the same message: Ana saved her sister, her kingdom and herself by having a stubborn love. It’s a beautiful message, but it is a bit simplistic. Frozen is an incredibly rich and complex story that deserves to be dug into and savored instead of just skating across the surface. The many “frozen fractals” that spiral throughout the story are like glittering gems: each one valuable in its own right while adding beauty to the whole. I’d like to take a few moments to explore another facet of the story. As I left the movie theater, the thought that played on repeat (besides the lyrics to all the songs) was that “perfect love casts out all fear.”
Elsa wasn’t an evil villain in need of redemption. Her powers weren’t the problem. The movie didn’t end with her being freed from a “curse” of icy DOOM. The main problems in the story aren’t brought about by Elsa at all. Instead, the turmoil in Ana and Elsa’s lives is a direct result of the actions of well-intentioned but fearful people.
Elsa was born with a special gift. Before she learned to fear her powers, she brought joy and wonder to her little sister by utilizing her gift. Unfortunately Elsa was born into a family of people who did not share her gift. Her parents did not understand her power and urged her not to use it. As she grew older, her gift grew stronger. Because her parents could not relate to her gift and urged her to act “normal,” Elsa did not get to learn how to control how her powers manifested. Her parents wanted only the best for her, but unfortunately their unease and fear of that which was different clouded their judgment.
Elsa was born with a special gift. Before she learned to fear her powers, she brought joy and wonder to her little sister by utilizing her gift. Unfortunately Elsa was born into a family of people who did not share her gift. Her parents did not understand her power and urged her not to use it. As she grew older, her gift grew stronger. Because her parents could not relate to her gift and urged her to act “normal,” Elsa did not get to learn how to control how her powers manifested. Her parents wanted only the best for her, but unfortunately their unease and fear of that which was different clouded their judgment.
Therefore Elsa learned little about her powers and was relegated to sneaking around in the middle of the night in order to indulge her sister’s eager encouragement. For the record kids, sneaking around never ends well. In this case, Elsa’s unsupervised and untamed gift resulted in her sister being injured.
Their parents, while well-meaning, viewed this event as confirmation of their fears and even the wise old Grandpabbie, to whom they took their injured daughter, shared their concerns. Although he was able to heal Ana, he went one step farther and replaced her memories of the times she had experienced her sister’s gift in order to “protect her. This brain washing left Anna with no explanation for the sudden rift between her and her sister upon their return to the castle. Ana lost her best friend and didn’t know why.
Their parents, while well-meaning, viewed this event as confirmation of their fears and even the wise old Grandpabbie, to whom they took their injured daughter, shared their concerns. Although he was able to heal Ana, he went one step farther and replaced her memories of the times she had experienced her sister’s gift in order to “protect her. This brain washing left Anna with no explanation for the sudden rift between her and her sister upon their return to the castle. Ana lost her best friend and didn’t know why.
In addition to a sudden loss of sisterly closeness, at the same time, both girls lost contact with the world outside the palace. Because their parents feared people’s reactions, should they discover Elsa’s secret, the entire family was forced into a closet where her gifts were never mentioned, even (and especially) to Ana. Their mantra for Elsa became “Conceal it, don’t feel it.”
But the closet of isolation wasn’t the worst result for young Elsa. The constant drumming of her parents’ mantra of concealment and suppression caused Elsa to internalize a self-directed anger and fear that pretty much made their desire for Elsa to learn to control her powers impossible. She came to fear even the most fleeting of human contact, lest she inadvertently hurt someone else. The desire of Elsa’s parents to protect her ultimately led to her isolation, not only from the outside world, but from the very people who loved her most.
When her parents met their untimely end, the isolation became total. Besides Elsa, no one remained who knew why things at the palace were the way they were. And even though the people who instigated the closed castle rule were no longer there, the pattern had been established and remained inviolate.
When the day finally arrives for Elsa to take her rightful place as queen, the gates are thrown wide open and both young women are thrust into situations they are totally unprepared for. Elsa must conceal her powers on a grand scale. Her gloves, her disguise of normalcy, need to come off in order to claim the throne. She survives the initial moments of a gloveless existence, but quickly re-dons her protection before people can glimpse her true self.
Meanwhile, Ana, so starved for affection or even just normal human contact, falls (quite literally) for the first man she runs into. He’s charming, adores her and really seems to “get” her. She finally has a fairytale-come-true with her very own prince…right up until she and her fiancé approach the new queen to ask for her blessing and are greeted with a resounding NO.
Elsa’s emotions begin to play havoc with her careful façade of calm as her sister lets out years of pent up anger and frustration. Ana's isolation and abandonment, always just under the surface, finally get the better of her when she sees her dreams of freedom, companionship and true love about to be tossed out the door. She goads her sister, unrelenting in her quest for a reason for her actions. And Elsa, unused to conflict since her family spent their life keeping her away from stressful situations, reacts on instinct and tries to cool down the argument, to chilling effect. Horrified at what she had almost done, and leaving a startled and frightened ballroom behind her, Elsa flees into the night.
Since her parents instilled the “conceal it, don’t feel it” mantra into her life, Elsa had never really practiced or stretched her powers, so as she runs away, the darkness hides from her what she is leaving in her wake. And what she is leaving in her wake is a frozen wasteland where her kingdom used to be. The ships that earlier that day had brought the happy travelers for Elsa’s coronation, are now trapped in thick and unrelenting ice. The citizens of Arendelle who had been enjoying beautiful, warm weather are totally unprepared for the freeze that sweeps in. The effects of Elsa’s emotional outburst aren’t just inconvenient, they're dangerous.
Outside the castle and far from any other people, Elsa finally begins to understand just how powerful she really is. Starting with the usual snow, snowman, etc. that she had created before, Elsa progresses far beyond the limits she had previously known, until an entire castle and massive stairway, made from thin air (and ice) rises from the top of the mountain. She finally begins to feel comfortable in her own skin. She is coming to understand who she is and what she is capable of on her own.
It is lonely but she is finally free! Anyone who has ever fled their country to escape persecution can relate. Anyone who has taken the steps necessary to escape an abusive situation, whether it be from a spouse, parent, or other, can relate. Anyone who has finally made it to college after a lifetime of being bullied (for whatever reason), can relate. And yes, young adults going out into the world for the first time, away from their parents’ houses, living independently and making their own rules, can relate. In fact I imagine that in some form or fashion, every one of you can relate to the exhilaration and alone-ness that Elsa felt after her flight. Otherwise, I doubt that the movie would have done as well WORLDWIDE as it did. Or that the song Let It Go would have been as all pervasive as it has been. :-)
While Elsa is busy with her self-revelations and mountain top experience, Ana begins to get an inkling of just what has been kept from her all these years. She feels guilty for causing her sister to lose her cool and despite protests from her concerned fiancé and some who were calling for Elsa’s capture, Ana determines to venture out into the chill night to find her sister, convince her to thaw Arendelle, and restore her to community. Leaving her fiancé in charge of the kingdom, she rides off into the darkness.
Like Elsa, Ana too had spent her life alone until now. So when she goes after her sister, she goes alone. During her search for Elsa, Ana discovers that the journey is much more pleasant and safer in the company of others. She also discovers that her sister is not the only one who thinks she is crazy for agreeing to marry someone she had just met, much to her irritation.
Daybreak finds Ana and her new companions, Kristoff and his faithful reindeer, Sven (minus one sleigh that was destroyed in the night), exploring the winter wonderland that Elsa has created. The wonder and beauty of her childhood adventures with Elsa begin to be regained. When Ana and her entourage encounter a living snowman named Olaf, who likes warm hugs, they know they are getting close. Following their frozen friend, Ana and Kristoff soon discover the icy stairway leading to the castle Elsa created. Kristoff, whose life is in the ice business, is greatly affected by the beauty and perfection of the edifice they see before them.
The door to the ice castle opens for Ana, and she urges Olaf and Kristoff to remain outside for a minute while she talks with her sister. Both are saddened to have to wait to meet the amazing person who created this place (and Olaf himself for that matter), but they dutifully sit on the stairs and begin counting.
Ana discovers Elsa inside the castle and they share a heartfelt reunion. Ana expresses her wonder and delight with the amazing castle of ice and realization dawns that her sister is somehow different from when she last saw her. (a good different!) Their reunion is cut short however, as Elsa remembers exactly why she left and how she had injured her sister so many years ago. Her remembered fear causes her to try to end the conversation and send her sister back home, but Ana is stubborn and refuses to leave without her. She fiercely defends Elsa and tries to convince her that she belongs in Arendelle just as much as Ana does.
Olaf chooses this moment to burst in and Elsa gazes at him in disbelief, unable to fathom that she had brought this snowman to life. There is more to her powers than she has yet discovered. What she had previously considered to only bring destruction had brought life.
Elsa still reiterates that she wants Ana to go home where she will be safe, and she is at last informed of the results her previous night's reactions had wrought on her kingdom. Stricken, Elsa loses control of the loose rein she had gained around her emotions. She feels hopeless and trapped and her powers lash out and strike her sister in the heart before she can stop it or really realize what has been done. Elsa knows she has to get her sister away from her, so she creates another snow creature who “escorts” Kristoff, Olaf and Ana away from the castle.
When her parents met their untimely end, the isolation became total. Besides Elsa, no one remained who knew why things at the palace were the way they were. And even though the people who instigated the closed castle rule were no longer there, the pattern had been established and remained inviolate.
When the day finally arrives for Elsa to take her rightful place as queen, the gates are thrown wide open and both young women are thrust into situations they are totally unprepared for. Elsa must conceal her powers on a grand scale. Her gloves, her disguise of normalcy, need to come off in order to claim the throne. She survives the initial moments of a gloveless existence, but quickly re-dons her protection before people can glimpse her true self.
Meanwhile, Ana, so starved for affection or even just normal human contact, falls (quite literally) for the first man she runs into. He’s charming, adores her and really seems to “get” her. She finally has a fairytale-come-true with her very own prince…right up until she and her fiancé approach the new queen to ask for her blessing and are greeted with a resounding NO.
Elsa’s emotions begin to play havoc with her careful façade of calm as her sister lets out years of pent up anger and frustration. Ana's isolation and abandonment, always just under the surface, finally get the better of her when she sees her dreams of freedom, companionship and true love about to be tossed out the door. She goads her sister, unrelenting in her quest for a reason for her actions. And Elsa, unused to conflict since her family spent their life keeping her away from stressful situations, reacts on instinct and tries to cool down the argument, to chilling effect. Horrified at what she had almost done, and leaving a startled and frightened ballroom behind her, Elsa flees into the night.
Since her parents instilled the “conceal it, don’t feel it” mantra into her life, Elsa had never really practiced or stretched her powers, so as she runs away, the darkness hides from her what she is leaving in her wake. And what she is leaving in her wake is a frozen wasteland where her kingdom used to be. The ships that earlier that day had brought the happy travelers for Elsa’s coronation, are now trapped in thick and unrelenting ice. The citizens of Arendelle who had been enjoying beautiful, warm weather are totally unprepared for the freeze that sweeps in. The effects of Elsa’s emotional outburst aren’t just inconvenient, they're dangerous.
Outside the castle and far from any other people, Elsa finally begins to understand just how powerful she really is. Starting with the usual snow, snowman, etc. that she had created before, Elsa progresses far beyond the limits she had previously known, until an entire castle and massive stairway, made from thin air (and ice) rises from the top of the mountain. She finally begins to feel comfortable in her own skin. She is coming to understand who she is and what she is capable of on her own.
It is lonely but she is finally free! Anyone who has ever fled their country to escape persecution can relate. Anyone who has taken the steps necessary to escape an abusive situation, whether it be from a spouse, parent, or other, can relate. Anyone who has finally made it to college after a lifetime of being bullied (for whatever reason), can relate. And yes, young adults going out into the world for the first time, away from their parents’ houses, living independently and making their own rules, can relate. In fact I imagine that in some form or fashion, every one of you can relate to the exhilaration and alone-ness that Elsa felt after her flight. Otherwise, I doubt that the movie would have done as well WORLDWIDE as it did. Or that the song Let It Go would have been as all pervasive as it has been. :-)
While Elsa is busy with her self-revelations and mountain top experience, Ana begins to get an inkling of just what has been kept from her all these years. She feels guilty for causing her sister to lose her cool and despite protests from her concerned fiancé and some who were calling for Elsa’s capture, Ana determines to venture out into the chill night to find her sister, convince her to thaw Arendelle, and restore her to community. Leaving her fiancé in charge of the kingdom, she rides off into the darkness.
Like Elsa, Ana too had spent her life alone until now. So when she goes after her sister, she goes alone. During her search for Elsa, Ana discovers that the journey is much more pleasant and safer in the company of others. She also discovers that her sister is not the only one who thinks she is crazy for agreeing to marry someone she had just met, much to her irritation.
Daybreak finds Ana and her new companions, Kristoff and his faithful reindeer, Sven (minus one sleigh that was destroyed in the night), exploring the winter wonderland that Elsa has created. The wonder and beauty of her childhood adventures with Elsa begin to be regained. When Ana and her entourage encounter a living snowman named Olaf, who likes warm hugs, they know they are getting close. Following their frozen friend, Ana and Kristoff soon discover the icy stairway leading to the castle Elsa created. Kristoff, whose life is in the ice business, is greatly affected by the beauty and perfection of the edifice they see before them.
The door to the ice castle opens for Ana, and she urges Olaf and Kristoff to remain outside for a minute while she talks with her sister. Both are saddened to have to wait to meet the amazing person who created this place (and Olaf himself for that matter), but they dutifully sit on the stairs and begin counting.
Ana discovers Elsa inside the castle and they share a heartfelt reunion. Ana expresses her wonder and delight with the amazing castle of ice and realization dawns that her sister is somehow different from when she last saw her. (a good different!) Their reunion is cut short however, as Elsa remembers exactly why she left and how she had injured her sister so many years ago. Her remembered fear causes her to try to end the conversation and send her sister back home, but Ana is stubborn and refuses to leave without her. She fiercely defends Elsa and tries to convince her that she belongs in Arendelle just as much as Ana does.
Olaf chooses this moment to burst in and Elsa gazes at him in disbelief, unable to fathom that she had brought this snowman to life. There is more to her powers than she has yet discovered. What she had previously considered to only bring destruction had brought life.
Elsa still reiterates that she wants Ana to go home where she will be safe, and she is at last informed of the results her previous night's reactions had wrought on her kingdom. Stricken, Elsa loses control of the loose rein she had gained around her emotions. She feels hopeless and trapped and her powers lash out and strike her sister in the heart before she can stop it or really realize what has been done. Elsa knows she has to get her sister away from her, so she creates another snow creature who “escorts” Kristoff, Olaf and Ana away from the castle.
In the mad dash to escape the ice warrior, Kristoff discovers that Ana has been struck and insists that they visit his friends who will know how to save her. The 4 companions journey to the same spot where Ana was healed when she was little. The trolls had adopted Kristoff as family, and he had seen them heal her all those years before. After a short misunderstanding about the nature of their visit (No, marriage is not why he has brought her home to meet the family. Yes she is already engaged to someone who is NOT Kristoff, etc.), Kristoff manages to get his family’s attention and Grandpabbie, who had done the healing when Ana was a child, has the sorrowful duty to inform them that there is nothing he can do for her since her sister has frozen her heart. But he does give them hope by telling them that an act of true love can still save her.
True love! Kristoff realizes that he must get Ana to Prince Hans, her betrothed back in Arendelle, and so their group set off as fast as Sven can run. They arrive at the gate and palace servants quickly usher Ana inside, while leaving Kristoff and Sven on the other side of the closed castle gates. Remember, kids: don’t abandon new friends once you return to the company of old ones.
Ana is taken to Hans and the two are left alone to share true love’s kiss. Unfortunately, it is at this point that we discover dependable, loyal, love struck Hans is anything but. Being the 13th of 13 boys, his prospects for his own kingdom were nill. He ruthlessly pursued Ana, sensing her desperation for love and had already decided that once they were married, he would set up an accident for Elsa so that he would end up king. All of his concern for Ana, his care for the people, had been for his own self-interest. And now with Ana almost dead, and the queen to blame, he will inherit the throne with no opposition. Triumphantly, he sets out to deliver the sad news of Ana’s demise, claim the throne and execute Elsa, whom he had captured.
Ana, realizing that there is now no one to save her, despairs. Until, she is found by Olaf, who had gotten separated from the other three on the way to the castle. So it is a snowman who brings warmth to Ana in her despair and hope for her frozen heart. Friendship and encouragement don’t always come in the packages that we expect. It is Olaf who helps Ana to realize that Kristoff has come to care for her, that he loves her. He has put her needs before his own, sent her off to be saved by Hans even though he will most likely never see her again.
They begin an insane journey through a castle being infiltrated by ice. After sliding to freedom, Ana trudges determinedly through a killer snowstorm, caused by Elsa's whirling emotions, towards Kristoff, who has become her last hope for salvation.
While their adventure is playing out, Elsa is greeted with the erroneous news that she has killed her sister. Just as he has done with everyone else in Arendelle, Hans fools Elsa as well. He "sadly" delivers this news and "regretfully" gets ready to kill her. As Elsa sits defeated in the snow, ready for the punishment to be carried out, her despair for the loss of a loved one causes the storm to pause. The snow stops falling and freezes in midair, just as it had done on the day of her parents’ death. The wind ceases.
In this moment of clarity, Ana and Kristoff see one another, but just as Ana starts to head for Kristoff, the stilled storm allows her to hear Hans’ sword as it is drawn. She sees her sister’s still form at the mercy of her opportunistic fiancé. With the last of her waning strength, she turns from her rescuer and flings herself between Hans and Elsa, just as her transformation to ice is complete.
I remember how I felt when I first saw this moment in the film. I was much like the boy in the movie Princess Bride when he hears that Buttercup died: total disbelief in what I was hearing/seeing. You got it wrong! True love is supposed to win! Geez, why did you tell me this story! Something we have come to believe in, when it comes to fairy tales, is a happily ever after. Ana was cheated out of her happily ever after and now it appeared that she would not live to explore her second chance.
This is also the moment that will forever live in my memory because it is right here that we realize true love is so much more than romantic love or the idealized happily ever after. We had heard Olaf tell us that love is putting someone else’s needs above our own and even more than the sacrifice that Kristoff experienced when he left Ana in Arendelle, we now see true love sacrifice its very life for one who had injured it, one who had rebuffed it and turned it away.
When love, regardless of how it has been wronged, lays down its life for someone, everyone is changed. Most notably in this instance, Ana is restored to life and Elsa discovers the key to mastering her powers. The key is love.
The key is love. Love is able to restore people to community. Love can save a shattered soul. Love isn’t just something you find if you are very, very lucky; it is available to all. Love isn’t about a happily ever after, it is about the here and now. Love is putting another’s needs before our own. That is something we can all do. Love is using the gifts we have been given for the joy and betterment of all. When Elsa discovers the power of love, she is finally able to offer her gifts to the people.
The curse has been broken. But it isn’t the curse you expect. Elsa isn’t mysteriously freed from the powers she was born with. Instead, she is freed from the fear and isolation of a lifetime. She is freed from the façade that she so carefully developed to fit in as best she could. And Ana was freed from her loneliness and isolation. She regained her sister, rediscovered the magic in life and found someone to share her life with, someone who not only accepted her sister, but someone who appreciated Elsa and her abilities.
Ok, so this ended up being longer than a devotional. Perhaps a sermon? But the point is, without the love shown by Kristoff, Olaf, Ana, and yes even Sven, this story would have had a very different ending. It wasn’t one person’s story. It was Love’s story. Love; flowing through and among a group of people/living beings. Once again, love is the theme.
True love! Kristoff realizes that he must get Ana to Prince Hans, her betrothed back in Arendelle, and so their group set off as fast as Sven can run. They arrive at the gate and palace servants quickly usher Ana inside, while leaving Kristoff and Sven on the other side of the closed castle gates. Remember, kids: don’t abandon new friends once you return to the company of old ones.
Ana is taken to Hans and the two are left alone to share true love’s kiss. Unfortunately, it is at this point that we discover dependable, loyal, love struck Hans is anything but. Being the 13th of 13 boys, his prospects for his own kingdom were nill. He ruthlessly pursued Ana, sensing her desperation for love and had already decided that once they were married, he would set up an accident for Elsa so that he would end up king. All of his concern for Ana, his care for the people, had been for his own self-interest. And now with Ana almost dead, and the queen to blame, he will inherit the throne with no opposition. Triumphantly, he sets out to deliver the sad news of Ana’s demise, claim the throne and execute Elsa, whom he had captured.
Ana, realizing that there is now no one to save her, despairs. Until, she is found by Olaf, who had gotten separated from the other three on the way to the castle. So it is a snowman who brings warmth to Ana in her despair and hope for her frozen heart. Friendship and encouragement don’t always come in the packages that we expect. It is Olaf who helps Ana to realize that Kristoff has come to care for her, that he loves her. He has put her needs before his own, sent her off to be saved by Hans even though he will most likely never see her again.
They begin an insane journey through a castle being infiltrated by ice. After sliding to freedom, Ana trudges determinedly through a killer snowstorm, caused by Elsa's whirling emotions, towards Kristoff, who has become her last hope for salvation.
While their adventure is playing out, Elsa is greeted with the erroneous news that she has killed her sister. Just as he has done with everyone else in Arendelle, Hans fools Elsa as well. He "sadly" delivers this news and "regretfully" gets ready to kill her. As Elsa sits defeated in the snow, ready for the punishment to be carried out, her despair for the loss of a loved one causes the storm to pause. The snow stops falling and freezes in midair, just as it had done on the day of her parents’ death. The wind ceases.
In this moment of clarity, Ana and Kristoff see one another, but just as Ana starts to head for Kristoff, the stilled storm allows her to hear Hans’ sword as it is drawn. She sees her sister’s still form at the mercy of her opportunistic fiancé. With the last of her waning strength, she turns from her rescuer and flings herself between Hans and Elsa, just as her transformation to ice is complete.
I remember how I felt when I first saw this moment in the film. I was much like the boy in the movie Princess Bride when he hears that Buttercup died: total disbelief in what I was hearing/seeing. You got it wrong! True love is supposed to win! Geez, why did you tell me this story! Something we have come to believe in, when it comes to fairy tales, is a happily ever after. Ana was cheated out of her happily ever after and now it appeared that she would not live to explore her second chance.
This is also the moment that will forever live in my memory because it is right here that we realize true love is so much more than romantic love or the idealized happily ever after. We had heard Olaf tell us that love is putting someone else’s needs above our own and even more than the sacrifice that Kristoff experienced when he left Ana in Arendelle, we now see true love sacrifice its very life for one who had injured it, one who had rebuffed it and turned it away.
When love, regardless of how it has been wronged, lays down its life for someone, everyone is changed. Most notably in this instance, Ana is restored to life and Elsa discovers the key to mastering her powers. The key is love.
The key is love. Love is able to restore people to community. Love can save a shattered soul. Love isn’t just something you find if you are very, very lucky; it is available to all. Love isn’t about a happily ever after, it is about the here and now. Love is putting another’s needs before our own. That is something we can all do. Love is using the gifts we have been given for the joy and betterment of all. When Elsa discovers the power of love, she is finally able to offer her gifts to the people.
The curse has been broken. But it isn’t the curse you expect. Elsa isn’t mysteriously freed from the powers she was born with. Instead, she is freed from the fear and isolation of a lifetime. She is freed from the façade that she so carefully developed to fit in as best she could. And Ana was freed from her loneliness and isolation. She regained her sister, rediscovered the magic in life and found someone to share her life with, someone who not only accepted her sister, but someone who appreciated Elsa and her abilities.
Ok, so this ended up being longer than a devotional. Perhaps a sermon? But the point is, without the love shown by Kristoff, Olaf, Ana, and yes even Sven, this story would have had a very different ending. It wasn’t one person’s story. It was Love’s story. Love; flowing through and among a group of people/living beings. Once again, love is the theme.
How have you experienced this kind of life altering love? How have you shown such love? Remember, this love is available to all, so be liberal in the sharing of it. Speak out when love is being withheld or twisted into something it is not. And don’t forget to accept love when it is offered to you. This is the heart of the movie. This is also the heart of the Gospel. Amen.
[1] There’s no fear in love. Just the opposite: perfect love kicks out fear. Because fear has to do with punishment, and the person that fears hasn’t been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18 Spoken English New Testament
[2] Fear arises only when there is conflict between what we want and what “might” happen. We build up expectations around life and come up with a concrete picture of how our lives “should” turn out. This inflexibility forms a strong foundation for fear. - See more at: http://livingempowered.areavoices.com/2012/10/the-effects-of-fear-can-be-scary/#sthash.tVlr5kJH.dpuf
[3] "The heart is not so easily changed. But, the head can be persuaded." - Grandpabbie, Disney's Frozen
[4] Skeleton in the closet - A secret source of shame, potentially ruinous if exposed, which a person or family makes efforts to conceal. See more at: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/skeleton-in-the-closet.html
[5] Self-hate is one of the most difficult patterns to get people to face or see in themselves, and some of the most difficult feelings to get hold of to try and heal. It's a slippery little sucker. The ways self-hate will act out to avoid really feeling the pain are too numerous to list here. Even approaching the self-hate can trigger it into knee-jerk survival terror. Sometimes shining just the tiniest bit of light on a self-hate pattern will cause the pattern to explode -- you may find yourself sliding down into a hugely maudlin self-hate/shame spiral, or lashing out in blaming ways at others. Self-hate can be very much like a festering sore . . . even the slightest touch can trigger waves and waves of overwhelming pain that we believe we must not feel / cannot survive, and send us into ginormous knee-jerk responses. See more at: http://www.cyquest.com/pathway/healing_self_hate.html
[6] “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” –Fred Rogers See more at: http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-what-love-isnt/