Pain
All my life I was there taking care of mother.
Drying tears and mending hurts
When my step-dad went from bad to worse.
Each drink he took, my mother paid the price.
Till one day mom escaped the pain.
A child’s decision was all it took
For the doctors to close the book
And let my mother quietly slip away.
And the eyes of a child saw things beyond their years
Handling things no child should learn.
Incapable of understanding, unable to discern
The line of maddening whys behind it all.
So I pushed away the pain
And the memories that remained.
‘Cause I just didn’t know how to handle that right then.
People thought that I was strong,
They were impressed with how I carried on.
But it’s easy to hold something up when it’s hollow.
Too intense a pain for children
Got pushed down inside my soul,
Leaving in it’s wake a hole,
A deep void where feelings ought to go.
My soul that day was shattered
And the shards ripped me apart
piercing deep into my heart
As I lost the one who really mattered.
Years have passed and life went on
And my heart felt only numb
If someone chanced my depths to plumb
They were quickly pushed away to avoid the pain.
Yes, I pushed away the pain
And the chances as they came
‘Cause I just didn’t know how to handle them right then.
People thought that I was strong
They’re impressed with how I carry on
But deep inside that hollow tried to quench my soul.
Till you came along and loved me.
Despite my best intentions
You slipped past my defenses
And together we found the key to set me free.
As you turned the knob of my rusty door
A flood came quickly rushing out.
The void overflowed and gushed about,
As every hurt and need clamored for attention.
You held me till the worst was through.
Though I was pushed along on a sea of pain,
As the past erupted full force again
When it passed I felt my heart begin anew.
The pain was washed away
Though the memories remain
‘cause at last you’ve helped me understand the truth.
I’m not all that strong
But with your love I’ll carry on
And the hollow’s been replaced by thoughts of you.
Written 4/5/2000 (my mother's birthday is 4/8)